Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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