I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
