Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
