Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
