u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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