Too much gin, very little bucket
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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