Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
