Sober January is a disaster.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
