I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
