Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
