I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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