Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize