Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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