There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
