Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
