Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they're like a gay fantastic four
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
