Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
