so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
