I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
