You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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