Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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