whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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