This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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