I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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