Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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