Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
