My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
