I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
