In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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