Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize