ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
