Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
