I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize