Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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