I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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