And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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