Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
