I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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