i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
