You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
