can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
