Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
