So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
