You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize