just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
