I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
