i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
