i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
