so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize