it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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