it's like iHOP with fire
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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