You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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