Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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