this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
