God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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