made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize