But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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