and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
