I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
