Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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