I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
