after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
