Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
