your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize