she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
