My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
