they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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