I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
