now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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