He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
