Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a hot homeless man
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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