It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
whose parrot is this?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
