"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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