this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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