It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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