If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
4 words: hood of his car
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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