Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
