I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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