bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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