i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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